I've got a crush on the neighbors across the street. There's a long-haired ginger guy who's always angry about something. A blond junkie who likes to sit on the porch wearing nothing but his boxers absentmindedly fondling himself. And then a steady stream of white thug friends who come and go. Right now there's a guy sitting on the porch arguing with his girlfriend on his phone that he's done with bitches.

I'm really tempted to leave a little envelope on the porch with a note. WANT YOUR DICK SUCKED? TEXT ME.... and see how it goes. But knowing my luck I'll probably end up murdered.

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