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FOREIGN POLICY
I disagree with my friends on the left that Hillary should resign as Secretary of State over the Wikileaks scandal. So she spied on UN diplomats. Big deal. They're all a bunch of shady crooks and incompetent bureaucrats at the UN anyway. We shouldn't even waste our time with it.
LIFE WITH AUTISM
I just finished watching the third season of British teen soap opera, Skins. One of the new characters is a guy named JJ. He's extremely loyal to his two best friends, doing whatever they say. He's very shy. Super nerdy. Has trouble making friends. Totally lacks the ability to flirt and court girls he likes. Drives everyone crazy sometimes because he's terrible with secrets and blurts out inappropriate comments. So he tries to keep a lot of stuff in, which results in him exploding in a fit of rage every once in awhile. I absolutely adored him. Really related to him. Towards the end of the season, they do an episode about him and reveal that he has autism. His mom cries herself to sleep, reading books on the subject, worrying if he'll be okay. Indifferent doctors give him crappy antidepressants that don't work. Just lame samples from the drug companies, part of their quotas. He ends the episode wondering to himself. Will I ever be happy? Will anyone ever love me back? At that point, I was bawling. Because those are the same questions I ask myself every day. Will I ever be happy? Will anyone ever love me back? It's heartbreaking.
MOVIE REVIEW
Jonah Hex. Dark supernatural steampunk western about a badass scarred gunslinger who can speak to the dead. The plot was a bit messy at times, and I hated Megan Fox's character, but overall I liked it.

11/28/2010

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STR8 PORN
SHIT LIST
The unions for supporting Obamacare, but then getting exemptions for themselves. The United Auto Workers just made a killing on stock options for GM, but it hasn't stopped them from cutting health insurance for struggling unemployed factory workers. This week a NY healthcare workers union announced that it was dropping health insurance for kids. The unions blame costs, but it hasn't stopped them from spending millions of dollars on lavish salaries, bonuses, parties, and bribes to do-nothing liberal Democrats. Big Labor's corrupt. The unions haven't helped workers in decades. But my friends on the left won't push for reform because they only care about electing Democrats. Fuck working-class people. We've gotta make sure limousine liberals like Nancy Pelosi and Obama get more power!
BOOK REVIEW
Star Trek: Typhon Pact: Zero Sum Game by David Mack. Part of a new series featuring a new enemy, an alliance of the Romulans, Tholians, Gorn, Breen, Tzenkethi and Kinshaya. In this one, the Breen steal plans for the slipstream drive. Dr. Bashir is sent to sabotage the prototype with the help of his ex-lover Sarina Douglas, who is also genetically enhanced and was featured in the DS9 episode "Stasitical Probabilities." Ezri Dax, now captain of the USS Aventine, is responsible for getting them in and out. The plot was rather conventional, but otherwise I liked it. Quick and breezy. Gave a lot of insight into the Breen, who have always been mysterious.

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PORN REVIEW
Gay for Pay 8. 2006 video from Next Door Male featuring straight porn star Criss Strokes jerking, getting sucked by guys, fucking a girl, even topping a guy. He's hot and has a really big dick. Wish he'd do more gay stuff.
SCIENCE
Hippos
  • Their name is ancient Greek for "river horse."
  • They live in sub-Saharan Africa, mainly Zambia and Tanzania. Thanks to poaching, war and loss of habitat, they're becoming endangered. There are now only 125-150,000 hippos worldwide. There used to be hippos in Europe, as far north as the British Isles, but they died off in prehistoric times. The last hippos in Egypt went extinct about a thousand years ago. There may still be a pygmy species hiding out in the jungles of Madagascar. After Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar died, a group of hippos escaped from his estate. There are now over a dozen of them running wild in the South American jungle. One had to be killed because he attacked cattle and people.
  • They're the third-largest land animal after the elephant and rhino. The average hippo weighs 3-4,000 pounds. Older males can get up to 7-9,000 pounds.
  • Until 1909, they were lumped in with pigs, but it is now known that they are more closely related to whales. The two share a common ancestor that existed 50-60 million years ago.
  • Semi-aquatic, they live in lakes and rivers. They spend most of their day in the water because it keeps their body temperatures low and helps keep their skin from drying out. At dusk, they wander on to land, spending four to five hours grazing, eating up to 150lbs of grass a night. They poop in the water. Scientists used to think this served some sort of important ecological function, but other than being used as a way to mark their territory, it's just poop.
  • They live in groups of 10-30 females with a male presiding over them all. Males are called bulls. Females are called cows. Babies are called calves. When another male approaches, they have to submit to the bull leading the group. He'll let them hookup, but they have to understand that they are his bitches and he can fuck whoever he wants.
  • Hippo sex occurs underwater. Childbirth happens underwater too. After being pregnant for eight months, a female will plop out a 60-110lb baby who will then swim up for air. Sometimes they have twins. If the water's too deep, the babies will climb on top of their mom's back. Swimming underwater to suckle or waiting for her to go on dry land. They're usually weaned after a year.
  • They can't breathe underwater. Have to rise up for air every 2-3 minutes. Most of them are too large to swim, so they mainly stay in the water by bouncing up off the ground or just hanging out in more shallow water where they can stand.
  • Even though they're herbivores, hippos kill more people in Africa than lions, snakes and any other animal. It's because they're very territorial, especially when their babies are around. They will fuck you up if you so much as look at them the wrong way. You can't outrun them on land. They can run surprisingly fast, up to 20-30mph short distances. A boat won't save you either. They won't hesitate to turn that fucker over.
  • They hate crocodiles with a passion, mainly because they go after their babies. A hippo can snap a croc in two with their powerful jaws. There have even been cases where a hippo will charge in, rescue an animal under attack by a crocodile, and lead it to safety, just out of spite.
  • There have been cases of bulls killing babies, even committing cannibalism, but this is usually very rare and in times of great distress. In general, hippos very rarely fight each other. If they do, then it's over mating, and one submits long before it becomes too nasty.
  • They usually live 40 to 50 years. The oldest hippo ever recorded made it to 61.
  • Their skin secretes a substance that not only serves as sunscreen but helps protect against bacteria too. Initially colorless, it turns red-orange within minutes and eventually becomes brown. Folks used to call it blood-sweat because it looked like they were sweating blood.
  • They communicate verbally, through grunts. Like whales, they also have the ability to communicate underwater.
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11/26/2010

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SHIT LIST
Homeland Security's division of Immigration and Customs Enforcement for shutting down more torrent and file-sharing sites this week. Seriously? Instead of being whores to the media industry, shouldn't you people be focusing on keeping terrorists and drug gangs from crossing our borders? Can read more about it here.
PORN REVIEW
Cam4.com. Free site that features sex cams from around the world. I usually avoid cam sites because they're lame, usually full of dirty old pervs or chicks who want money to show you their twat. I checked this one out after noticing a lot of hot Cam4 webcam videos on Xtube and other sites and was surprised at how much I liked it. In the past 24 hours, I've seen two hot young NY Italian brothers tag-team a blond girl, two straight drunk British buddies jerk off together, a few gay couples and threesomes and a bunch of mostly straight hot young guys jerking off. I feel like a porn addict now because I keep checking back to see what's new.
LIFE WITH AUTISM
A Mother's Courage: Talking Back to Autism. Documentary about a mom of a severely autistic boy in Iceland who travels around the world to talk to experts such as Temple Grandin. It's narrated by Kate Winslet and features music by Icelandic groups such as Sigur Ros and Bjork. It prominently features the work of Soma Mukhopadhyay, an Indian mother of an autistic young man, who believes she has found a way to break through to severely autistic kids who can't talk. Her method consists of having them spell out answers on a letter board or by having them choose answers on two strips of paper. I was very impressed with it, but upon further investigation, it appears that she's very controversial. She's copyrighted the hell out of everything, including her name, and pretty much sells herself as a business. Some folks accuse her of being abusive to her son and a number of autism experts say her methods just don't work. I don't know if she's a quack or not, but I think we can all agree that kids with severe autism shouldn't be written off. The kids I saw in the documentary were absolutely brilliant. They couldn't talk, would fidget around, have terrible tantrums. And yet one had the amazing ability to pick out good stocks. Another was capable of writing very eloquently. Ten to twenty years ago we would've dumped them in a group home. But now we know that there's some hope for them.

11/25/2010

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BOOK REVIEW
The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson. First book in his new Stormlight Archive series. It's a thousand pages long, took me forever to get through, but I really liked it. With his Mistborn Trilogy and work on the Wheel of Time series, he's quickly become one of my favorite fantasy authors. It's a traditional epic fantasy (multiple characters, tragic hero, prophecy of doom) with a few twists (Eastern/anime influence, magic armor/swords, fairy-like spirits that are everywhere). I look forward to his next book. He's managed to complete an entire trilogy, two massive tomes in the Wheel of Time series and this first big tome in a new series while George R. R. Martin still dilly-dallies with the next installment of his Songs of Ice and Fire series.
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BOOK REVIEW
Sex: A Book For Teens: An Uncensored Guide to Your Body, Sex, and Safety by Nikol Hasler. One of the perks of my job is that I get to look at all the sex books that come my way. I was struck by the crazy cartoons in this one (furries, humping robots), started reading it and was surprised at just how informative it was. The book aint that big, yet it's got almost everything in it. There's even a mention of freaking cake farts! The language is very down-to-earth and easy to understand. My friends on the right would have a heart attack if they read it, but I seriously think it should be given out to high school teens for sex ed.

FUCK CHINA
Chinese bear farms. In primitive quack Chinese traditional medicine, the bile found in a bear's gallbladder is supposed to reduce fever, protect the liver, improve eyesight, break down gallstones and act an anti-inflammatory. A kilo of bear bile is worth about five thousand dollars on the market. Even though the Asiatic black bear is an endangered species, with only 20-30,000 left in the wild, over seven thousand bears are held captive in bear farms ran by the communist Chinese government. The bears are kept in tiny cages that don't allow them to stand up or move around. The bile is extracted a number of ways.
  • Milking twice a day using implanted tubes. Very painful, it makes them moan and chew their paws.
  • Using metal catheters. Technically illegal because it's extremely painful, it still widely continues.
  • Letting the bile drip freely through a hole in the abdomen. The Chinese say this is the most humane, but it really just means that they get more bile. The open wounds also expose the bear to infections and health problems.
Even though bears can live for decades, they only last three to four years tops in the cages. When they stop producing bile, they're killed. Their meat, fur, gallbladders and other parts are sold on the market. Bear paws alone are worth $250.
The Chinese argue that this is the best way to protect endangered bears. In fact, they think it would be wonderful if all bears were "safely" removed from the wild and held in bear farms for "their own protection." When animal rights activists push too far, they then scream racism, imperialism, sovereignty, all that stupid bullshit. The UN is an absolute joke, beholden to them. While the West only cares about free trade. It's very sad.

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POLITICS
My friends on the left will scream Told Ya So! but I've soured on Sarah Palin. I really admired her at first. She started out as a good governor in Alaska. Very independent. Took on Big Business and the establishment. I thought she was qualified to lead, more so than Obama even. I hated how the liberal media smeared her because she was a conservative pro-life woman. But since the election ended she's done one stupid thing after another. She quit her job as governor before her term was up so she could focus on her political career, making her look very Clintonian. She put her family out in the media, then screamed privacy whenever they were questioned. They promote abstinence, but Bristol and Willow both sleep around. Todd Palin came across as a sleazy douche during Joe Miller's candidacy for Alaska Senate, throwing his weight around like a political kingpin. The TLC show is a lame PR stunt. And now she's bickering with Barbara Bush. Ugh, just give it a rest.
NAUGHTY HISTORY
Condoms. They've been around forever. There are prehistoric cave paintings in France of guys with stuff on their junk. The Egyptians fiddled with them a bit. The Greeks and Romans did too until they figured out that anal sex was a way cooler way of birth control.

The Chinese and Japanese started using them, but they really didn't take off until the 15th century during the Renaissance. Italian anatomist Gabriele Fallopia (of whom the female fallopian tubes are named after) discovered that condoms were a great way to stop the spread of syphilis. Thanks to modern medicine and penicillin, we now scoff at the disease as something archaic and forgotten, something that only Victorian hookers got. But for hundreds of years it was a scourge worse than AIDS. The only disease to come from the Western Hemisphere, you could call it the ultimate form of revenge. Europeans fucked the New World over. And the New World fucked them right back by making their dicks literally fall off!

Available in many varieties, ranging from lambskin to linen, condoms were mainly available to the upper and middle class. In the 1850s, Charles Goodyear patented rubber and started using it to make condoms. At first it wasn't very practical. They only covered the tip of your dick. Otherwise you had to pay a specialist to take a cast of your penis and make a custom-fit one.

Everything changed when manufacturers figured out how to mass-produce one-size-fits-all condoms and sell them at affordable prices to everyone. A backlash formed. It didn't just come from moralizing church figures. Many medical figures thought condoms were too risky as birth control. After WWI, many European countries banned them because they were worried about low birth rates.

Americans didn't widely embrace condoms until the swinging 1920s. They were greatly appreciated as an effective form of birth control during the Great Depression. During WWII, white soldiers were encouraged to protect themselves with slogans such as "Don't forget -- put it on before you put it in!" Minority and female soldiers were told not to fuck.

The acceptance of condoms changed in the 1950s. It was all about the baby-making! Condoms were dirty commie things. That attitude still exists today. One of my mentor's students was arrested at NKU for giving out free condoms. The frats could have jello wrestling with half-nekked bimbos, but promoting safe sex was "disturbing the peace."

AIDS helped increase the use of condoms during the 1980s and 1990s but thanks to stupid drug ads that promote the lie that everything will be okay, unsafe sex is at an all-time high again. Black guys refuse to use condoms. Gay guys have become almost as bad. The media and porn industry hasn't helped any. We rarely ever see safe sex promoted in a movie or tv show, and even with the recent scares, condoms are almost never used in straight and gay porn.

The future of condoms is actually to go smaller. There are almost a billion people in the world with tiny dicks, mostly in India. Since regular condoms don't really fit them, condom companies have tried to produce smaller products. But it hasn't worked out well. After the Swiss ordered small condoms for distribution to 12-14 year-olds, critics rallied that it was a plan to promote child sex, so the industry has backed away.
MOVIE REVIEW
Secret Origin: The Story of DC Comics. I thought it was very interesting. Not the cookie-cutter promotional video I thought it would be.
  • I've always been a DC guy. I loved SuperFriends as a kid and would get all the action figures and read their comic books to learn more about them.
  • I give them kudos for being very honest about some of their mistakes (reinventing Wonder Woman as a yoga-loving bimbo, caving in to anti-comic book hysteria, getting carried away with cheap gimmicks).
  • I'm glad they mentioned the Green Arrow/Green Lantern storyline. That has long been a favorite of mine. They made a cool team. Green Arrow points out that while Green Lantern was off saving aliens, minorities and the poor were getting fucked over at home. Later down the road, Green Lantern ends up calling Green Arrow out for not noticing that his sidekick is a fucking junkie.
  • Neil Gaiman was adorable as ever.
  • I don't think I'll ever understand Grant Morrison's Scottish accent.
  • Alan Moore is so metal it's funny. He's scary looking, and can be quite fierce, but at the same time he's absolutely brilliant and surprisingly eloquent.

11/23/2010

FUCK CHINA
China produces 97% of the world's supply of 17 rare metals used for hi-tech goods like electric cars, iPhones, missiles and computers. We used to be a leading supplier, but Clinton shut down the mines to pander to environmental groups and happily outsourced everything to China. The Japanese recently got into a territorial spat with the Chinese over some islands. The Chinese retaliated by stopping rare metal exports to Japan, fucking up companies like Toyota and Sony. It's only a matter of time before China does the same thing to us, fucking our economy up. Can read more about it here.
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MUSIC
Blue Man-group inspired musical medley using PVC pipes. He seems like a really cool guy. I wish him well with his auditions for Blue Man Group, America's Got Talented, and other acts.
UNDER THE RAINBOW
The Pope recently declared that using condoms just might be okay, but only if you're a gay male hooker trying to not get AIDS. I mean it's not like they're making babies, and they're going to burn in hell anyway. Might as well try to save them from AIDS. Mother Teresa aint around anymore to take care of the sick and dying.
The Catholic Church has always been dead set against using condoms or any birth control because a pope once said it was bad. And even though popes have been known to rape little boys, lie, cheat, kill, have illegitimate children, salute Hitler, do whatever they want, we all know that they are NEVER wrong. God may have forgot to put papal infallibility in the Bible when he also forgot to mention organized religion and the position of a pope altogether. And the concept may have not been in practice for centuries until a pope suddenly remembered (pulled it out of his ass). It's important that we listen to the holiest man on earth, even if he is a former Nazi and likes to cover up child rape. So thanks for saving my soul Pope Benedict XVI! I'll think of you the next time I'm sodomizing someone in a back alley :-)
MOVIE REVIEW
The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! I liked it. Miss the show. Thought it was way funnier than Family Guy and other Seth MacFarlane shows.

11/22/2010

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MOVIE REVIEW
The Secret of Kells. Animated movie set in 9th-century Ireland about a boy who meets a fairy in the woods. I really liked it. Can see why it was nominated for an Oscar. Beautiful story. Beautiful animation. Beautiful music. Full of Celtic mythology and influences.

11/21/2010

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Rapper Rick Ross sex tape. Nothing to write home about. Would've preferred Eminem or Drake.
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DID YA KNOW
That blond hair extensions mostly come from Russia and Ukraine. Can read more about it here.
SCIENCE
Goats. If I ever get a farm, I'm getting pygmy goats because they're so cute and tiny.
  • The first goats were domesticated in the Middle East around 7-8000 BC. After the dog, they were the second animal to be domesticated. And yet ironically, after the cat, they're the second most likely domestic animal to go feral.
  • There are over seven hundred million goats in the world. Out of that, six hundred million are domestic. Wild goats have ears that stick up. Domestic goats have ears that flop down. Nobody knows why it's like that.
  • Goats are cool because they're highly intelligent. Unlike dogs and many other animals, or hell people too for that matter, they'll shamelessly look you in the eye. They have no fear. That's why you have to be careful with wild and feral goats. They'll fuck you up just for shits and giggles.
  • Since they're suitable for almost every environment, you can find them almost anywhere. In fact, if you ever end up stranded on a desert island, you're more likely to run into a feral or wild goat than a dog, cat, horse, bird, monkey or any other animal.
  • A female is called a doe or nanny. A male is called a billy or buck. Baby goats are called kids. That's where we get our name for children from. Baby goats LOVE to play. In fact, all goats do. With most animals, playtime is just a way for babies to learn. But goats play just for the sheer fun of it. They like to party!
  • Goats are almost as destructive as people. The Middle East and Sahara weren't always deserts. Goats helped move things along by wiping out vegetation. We never seem to think about what raising goats, cows, sheep and pigs does to the land.
  • They're horny little fuckers. They're capable of mating as young as three months old. And they never grow too old for fucking, thus the saying "you old goat." One male goat can easily bang ten to fifteen females a day. Female goats remain pregnant for 150 days and usually pop out twins.
  • Male goats stink to high heaven. It's mostly because of a scent gland, but it doesn't help that they like to cover themselves in their piss when they want to attract a girl.
  • They usually live 15-18 years. They make awesome pets, but only if you have a lot of land and are really patient. You can't keep them in your house. They will literally eat EVERYTHING in your house. You also can't keep them in a pen because they're crafty and will find a way out. Sometimes they can even climb a tree. They're iffy with little kids because they play rough. I love it when people go to petting zoos and act all outraged when a goat knocks their brat down. It's a goat. It's what they do. You want lovey-dovey bullshit. Pet a sheep.
  • They eat everything in sight not because they're hungry, but because they're curious. Tasting and chewing is a way of exploring for them. Fortunately, their stomachs are very strong.
  • I love goat cheese. Great on pizza. Hippie vegan types try to promote goat milk, but I heard it tastes nasty and is bad for babies. I've had goat meat before in tacos. It's very gamey. Wouldn't really recommend it. Even though they've developed a bad reputation for being Satanic, they're kosher with Jews, Christians, and Muslims alike.
  • A lot of folks think cashmere comes from sheep, alpacas, even bunnies. But it actually comes from goats.

11/20/2010

FUCK CHINA
Chinese overseers recently opened fire on striking miners in Africa. Can read more about it here.
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MOVIE REVIEW
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1. The Harry Potter movies tend to be very hit or miss with me. I thought it was a little plodding in the middle, but overall I liked it. Made me want more. Think I'm gonna break down and start reading the books.

11/19/2010

SCIENCE
Giraffes.
  • The word giraffe is an Italian derivation of Arabic "ziraafa" (assemblage of animals)
  • The average giraffe is 14-18ft tall and weighs 1800-4300 pounds.
  • Their fur stinks because it is full of antibiotics and parasite repellents.
  • They evolved from a 10ft-tall antelope-like animal that roamed Europe and Asia 30-50 million years ago. The modern giraffe settled in Africa about a million years ago.
  • Wild giraffes live about 13 years, while zoo-born ones can last up to 25 years.
  • Nobody really knows why their necks are so long. Charles Darwin believed it was part of natural selection, they evolved to find food higher and higher up.
  • Mating begins with a male giraffe drinking a female's pee to see if she's fertile. If he likes what he tastes, he'll hump her. If she gets knocked up, she'll remain pregnant for over a year (400-460 days) before plopping out a 6ft-tall baby that is walking within minutes of being born. The baby is then protected by the giraffe herd. Disease, malnutrition and predators kill off 25-50% of babies. Even though they're docile vegetarians, they won't give up their babies without a fight. They have been seen decapitating lions with kicks to their heads.
  • Giraffes don't really hurt each other, but sometimes males fight each other by whacking each other with their necks until one submits. When this happens, it's almost always over a female.
  • They usually eat about 65 pounds of leaves and twigs a day, but can survive on only 15 pounds. They eat less than cows, horses, goats and a lot of other grazing animals. Like camels, they can also last a long time without water.
  • They barely sleep two hours a day, mostly in ten minute increments. They sleep standing up. They hate lying down. Generally try to avoid it because it's a pain in the ass to get back up.
  • There are only about 100,000 giraffes left in the wild, but they're not really treated as endangered animals. Even though they're a huge tourist draw, many African countries still allow hunting them.
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11/18/2010

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WHERE IN THE WORLD IS
Braunschweig, Germany.
  • Located in Lower Saxony in central Germany, it has a population of almost 250,000.
  • Formerly the Duchy of Brunswick, it is over a thousand years old, and was part of the Holy Roman Empire and Hanseatic League before becoming a part of Germany.
  • During WWII, the Nazis converted the cathedral into a shrine to Hitler and imported thousands of slave laborers from Eastern Europe to work in factories. An Allied bombing raid destroyed most of the city in October 1944.
  • It's symbol is the lion.
  • Home to Germany's oldest public museum, the world-renowned Herzog Anton Ulrich art museum, which was founded in 1754.
  • Headquarters of the German Federal Bureau of Aircraft Accidents Investigation (BFU).
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FUCK CHINA
The Communist Chinese dictatorship sentenced a 46-year-old woman to a year in a labor camp for "disturbing social order" because she forwarded a Twitter message mocking staged protests against Japan. She received no trial. Under China's joke of a legal system, you can be automatically sentenced to up to four years in prison without having any trial, legal representation or chance to appeal. Can read more about it here.
MOVIE REVIEW
I Like Killing Flies. Documentary about Kenny Shopsin, an eccentric cook who runs a diner open for breakfast and lunch in Greenwich Village. I liked it. He's a colorful guy. Reminded me of why I like mom-and-pop places. They're run by families and have character.
BOOK REVIEW
Fragile Things by Neil Gaiman. Collection of his short stories. He's one of my favorite authors, but I just couldn't get into it. Most of the stories were tiny little things. Too light and whimsical for me. Prefer my stories to be dark and meaty.

11/17/2010

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MUSINGS
I think banning caffeinated alcohol drinks like Four Loko and Joost is stupid. Even lamer that Obama and the Democrats are the ones leading the effort. Their argument is that it's a public health crisis because they promote binge drinking. Well duh! That's what alcohol's for. Supposed to get shit-faced. Gonna ban jello shots, wine coolers, Zinfadel and mixed drinks next? To my friends on the left, is this bullshit really what ya'll voted for? Can read more about it here.
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POLITICS
  • I'm very ambivalent about Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski winning re-election as a write-in. On the one hand, she's a pro-abortion, pro-big business establishment Republican who only got the job because her sleazy dad governor appointed her to it. On the other hand, her tea party opponent, Joe Miller, was douche. Basically Palin with a penis. Very trashy. Not ready for prime-time. Arrogant. Really didn't like how he tried to steal votes by trying to disqualify everything. My friends on the left could always argue that I could have supported the Democrat in the race, but that guy was just a lame party hack. Getting harder and harder to find good folks to run for office these days.
  • I'm highly amused that the Democrats voted Pelosi back into power. HA! Talk about out of touch and delusional.
VIDEO GAME REVIEW
Dead Rising 2. I couldn't get into it. Maybe it's because I have social anxiety in crowds, but the entire game is just packed with zombies. Pretty much spend the entire time shoving them around. Which is rather unrealistic, because if ya were in such a mess, ya'd be ripped to shreds in ten seconds. What makes Dead Rising unique is that almost ever zombie is different. Be cool if they did that with Left 4 Dead.
MOVIE REVIEW
The Human Centipede: First Sequence. Horror movie about a mad German surgeon who kidnaps three tourists and surgically alters them so they are connected mouth-to-anus, becoming a human centipede. I was surprised at how much I liked it. Very twisted. I'd rather end up cursed by Final Destination or trapped in a Saw contraption than get fucked up like that. At least I'd know I'd die quickly!

11/16/2010

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MUSINGS
Seminars. I don't mind motivational speakers. Some folks have really cool stories to tell. And I'm all for educational seminars. This past year I attended seminars on horror, mysteries, and paranormal investigations that were really cool. But I hate bureaucratic bullshit.
  • When I first started at my job, I had to attend two three-hour long customer service training seminars. The instructors were nice folks, but they had ZERO customer service experience, just administrative bureaucrats earning some extra pay. We had to follow a stupid workbook that had almost nothing to do with our job. Everyone left rolling their eyes, but the HR types hugged themselves silly over it. Every year they brag about how great the training is. Award-winning! Yet wouldn't it have been better if real customer service veterans shared their own personal experiences and tips on how to deal with shit? Ask the lady who's been here for thirty years if the customer's always right. HA!
  • Last year I attended an early morning strategic planning seminar that made me want to gouge my eyeballs out. The HR harpies were nazis about mandatory attendance. You have to go. It's about THE FUTURE! Had their clipboards out taking names. For three hours an egomaniac bigwig droned on and on and on about how delighted she was to plan for the future. Didn't learn a damn thing except that she was going to lead the committee. There were a couple of smaller follow-up meetings in the weeks ahead, but the opinions of the workers were never seriously considered. Little Miss Future ended up bolting for another job on the West Coast that she found while on a company-sponsored trip. All of the meetings led to the adoption of a lame plan that called for unrealistic five percent increases in everything across the board. The bureaucrats also printed up a nice glossy booklet to show off to everybody. In the end, the whole experience was a complete waste of time.
  • Today I attended a three-hour seminar on how to cope with change. Everyone thought it would be about an upcoming construction project that will turn our jobs upside down. But instead it was mumbo-jumbo teambuilding nonsense. The speaker was a nice lady, but all she did was regurgitate lame corporate mantra bullshit. Lots of New Agey power of the mind crap. I half expected her to hand out Scientology pamphlets at the end. Once again the HR harpies and administrative bureaucrats hugged themselves mercilessly for a job well done. But in the meantime, everyone left with even more questions unanswered. What do you mean we're losing all of our parking spaces?!? We're actually gonna have LESS space with this multi-million dollar renovation? WTF!
  • My favorite is out-of-town conferences. The bigwigs can't afford to provide everybody with a living wage and healthcare, but they sure can find a way to take trips around the country on the company dime. What's always the number one item every month at the board meeting? Bigger allowances for travel of course!
Doesn't matter if you work for a corporation or a public institution, the seminar mantra reigns supreme. The bureaucratic types just love this bullshit. And in the meantime, millions of dollars are thrown out the window.
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